so it’s 12ish and i am not in bed, today was Valentine’s Day which i spent with some lovely girls, i didn’t feel sad or lonely for a second until i saw a couple making out in the car behind in me on the M2, i was secretly hoping that they would crash. but apart from that i felt pretty good, well i felt kind of numb and numb is okay with me! anyway because we are girls we started talking about dieting and all these different diets and ways of losing weight as i ate half a sticky date pudding, naturally. i have noticed i’ve put on a bit of weight, i have not been watching what i’ve been eating at all and on top of that drinking, smoking, hardly exercising and basically doing everything to abuse my body and my looks. i have been avoiding mirrors and avoiding shopping for clothes because i am in denial about my weight. so today after feeling ridiculously full i weighed myself and i was completely horrified. i could feel myself actually wanting to cry, but i held back the tears. i feel disgusting fat and uncomfortable. now i’m actually fat. so depressing. well i am actually not going to let myself feel this way for another day. i don’t have a goal weight, just the objective of feeling comfortable again.
so what am i going to do? well everyone has been weighing the pro’s and con’s of the lemon detox diet. i’m not really sure how it works but i’ll be purchasing it tomorrow from a chemist in kellyville (the only chemist in the hills district that stock it), along with a shitload of lemons. i’m going to attempt to do the diet/starvation for 14days. which is two weeks of only drinking water and this lemon, syrupy water drink. this will be challenging because i have soundwave and other shows coming up where i’m going to want to drink but honestly, who can have a whole lot of fun at this weight? i’ll just have to grit my teeth and bear it. i will also attempt to go for one 1hour walk a day with weights, with my mother. did i ever mention much much i loathe excercise?
finally! i am doing this for anyone else who has completely lost the motivation to look after themselves, for anyone boy or girl who knows that they could be a lot prettier and handsomer than they are right now, anyone who has kind of found themselves in a bit of a rut. for the people who always get told they have ‘such a pretty face’, for those of you who have ever been turned away from a certain japanese boutique clothing store located on oxford street who caters exclusively to hobbits and stickinsects because nothing comes in normal human size, quite frankly the clothes were shit anyway, but its the principal! (okay, i’m getting a little carried away). in conclusion i’m doing this for myself but hopefully this will inspire others to start feeling good again excetera, excetera. i am trying to remember that this feeling of complete fatness doesn’t have to be a permanent thing, and if i do something about it now, then i will feel a lot better about myself sooner. and the sooner the better. everyone goes through periods of just feeling horrible, lazy and fat not to mention unattractive. so here it goes, goodbye chocolate, toast, peanut butter, sour worms, dinner with friends, alcohol and redbulls and cigarettes!
the diet will be finished on the 1st of march, right in time for going back to uni. i feel so gross right now. but maybe this really gross feeling will be the motivation i need to do something about it. i’m really considering before and afters, wouldn’t that just be ridiculous? i’m not even sure if anyone is reading this, are you? anyway…
goodnight fatties xx
